are you there blog? it's me, jenny

Alright, alright. Once again, I haven't been real good about keeping this thing up to date. I love how I make grand proclamations only to revert to my lazy ass self two days later. Jackie calls me "Schemes" for all the big ideas I'm constantly spewing. I am the modern incarnation of Ralph Cramden, Lucy Ricardo, Homer Simpson and, god help me, The King of Queens.

Post-severance I awaken nearly every morning and do one of two things:
1) Fall immediately back to sleep
2) Bound out of bed like someone put speed in my pillow, make coffee and jammer nonsense about my latest Big Idea at Jackie who actually has a real job. Bless her heart. The girl's a saint. If I had to listen to me, I would've shot myself in the head a long time ago.

I'm surprised I haven't started inventing "gadgets" yet. Some wing ding that purports to open cans, fix your car, cook five course dinners with one turn of a knob. Not to say I haven't fantasized that I could do this. I've also deluded myself into thinking I could easily run for President, no problem. I know almost nothing about politics, but it's a sure bet I'd get up there and have a clear view of the issues. My platform would be "Personal Responsibility" that way I wouldn't really be responsible for anything. I'd shout out empowering commands to the country, similar to the ones you might find on Post-It notes stuck to the refrigerator by some fat guy hoping to drop the pounds. "You can do it!" "Go for it!" "All the way!" "Do you really want that?" Everyone would love my everyman approach. The country would shape up AND slim down. It's a win/win situation. Vote for me, America. I'm not going to do it for you.