poop goes the world
So overwrought was I by the throne-plosion, I neglected to mention another similarly-themed event that happened to me just a few short days before.
While plodding through my day as The Oldest Intern On the Planet, the most unbelievable stench started flowing through the halls and, as far as I could tell, set up residence exclusively in my cubicle. Seeing as how this is an organization for homeless folks, I wondered to myself if someone had tried to pull a Shawshank only to meet an untimely death in one of the vents. As I mused on this while trying not to gag, an announcement went out that the smell was "just" raw sewage that had somehow backed up into the ventilation system and would we all be so kind as to evacuate immediately. I was well on my way to making this decision for myself, when the brain trusts in charge (this is non-profit after all) decided to pour bleach directly into the vents thereby creating a gaseous soup of unparalleled toxicity and odor. Peace out to the few brain cells I had left.
And with that, I shall never mention poop again.
While plodding through my day as The Oldest Intern On the Planet, the most unbelievable stench started flowing through the halls and, as far as I could tell, set up residence exclusively in my cubicle. Seeing as how this is an organization for homeless folks, I wondered to myself if someone had tried to pull a Shawshank only to meet an untimely death in one of the vents. As I mused on this while trying not to gag, an announcement went out that the smell was "just" raw sewage that had somehow backed up into the ventilation system and would we all be so kind as to evacuate immediately. I was well on my way to making this decision for myself, when the brain trusts in charge (this is non-profit after all) decided to pour bleach directly into the vents thereby creating a gaseous soup of unparalleled toxicity and odor. Peace out to the few brain cells I had left.
And with that, I shall never mention poop again.
posted by Jen Warner at 1:00 PM
5 Comments:
oh, poor jen!
Wow. Similarly, today I backed up my shrink's toilet. I wasn't sure what to do (it was only pee pee) - I mean, anything I chose to do, such as knocking on his door, interrupting him to inform of said problem, would be discussed ad infinitum in future sessions. So I took the plunger into my own hands and plunged. It worked, thank Allah.
And speaking of Dean Flynn, when he came out of the locker room today, he was wearing a temp-costume: chinos (nice pants!), a boring blue shirt, and a really boring red paisley tie. I mean, come on Dean Flynn!! Either he was researching for a role, or our baby has given up his porn destiny forever!!!
This happens at my office all the time. Apparently the DEP, the EPA, the XYZ AND the ABC have all been here to try and figure out what the problem is, and no one can. Every couple of months I have to send an email to facilities along the lines of "it smells like someone pooped under my desk...it smells like someone pooped under EACH of our desks." Omit the bleach part, though. Although in an attempt to cover up the smell, once the maintenance guy spilled concentrated air freshener fluid...it was like a year's supply. Oh lordy. Poop and air freshener. But meanwhile no one bought more air freshener after that, so we used up our annual supply in a day.
Here's a story about the opposite extreme. One of our new corporate honchos had (or maybe he still has) a penchant for scented candles. He (yes, HE, and he's straight) would burn like 6 peach scented mother truckers behind his desk, and I couldn't eat my lunch whenever he was here because I'd open my mouth and peach scent would waft in and kill my tastebuds.
I can't decide which is worse, the peach candles, the air freshener or the poop.
Folks, thank you all for empathizing with my pain. I stil can't kick the Clorox from my nasal passages though I suppose it's better than the alternative.
Tal, looks like Mr. Flynn's going to making good use of that business card at his temp job. How sad for him!
P.S. Are there temporary porn jobs? If not, Flynn should start his own company: Dick-4-A-Day, something like that.
Hey Mister Flynn,
I got a job for ya. I got a job for ya right here!
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